Guy Abandons - Been?... Oh! - collection.Story of- HOLIDAY, part 2; The bits I didn't tell you about last years holiday. You may remember that I mentioned my holiday at the nudist camp in the piece in last autumns edition, here's a few more bits I thought you might like to know. There was a well, (very well) built stallion of a guy; a sporty type, insisted on going for his early morning run: as he cantered past the nubile aerobic class; his eyes popped, he "woke up" and pole vaulted over the hedge. In the next field there was a group of "hand bell ringing" boys?; when the stallion landed in there midst, they thought there luck had changed and would get more than a dingaling. When stallion picked himself up and saw the expectant grins on their faces, he hobbled off with a bad limp and bent pride; determined not to drop a clanger. One of the mornings when I got up early and went for a breakfast of bacon, beans, eggs, and beans...I trotted off out without a care in the world as; we were all out in the open air so the beans should not be too dangerous. I was wrong:there was a bare,sorry! I mean a bear of a guy (big, brown, and grizzly) who I had thought very self_controlled in the presence of all the nubility:I was wrong;- one puff of smoke; and he thought I was blowing him a kiss and he smiled, saluted, (not with his hand!) and started to stroll over. I fled in a cloud of debris and gesturing vaguely to the field where the "bell ringers" hang out; (or at least dangle). It was some time later that I heard all the hullabaloo towards the beach when I heard noises like crowing and clucking: the nubile's were sat bemused watching a cock_fight;(stallion and bear)... there was feathers everywhere. I don't think that I mentioned the lass that I thought would not have had any trouble getting willing guys in tow:I had thought she was rather sweet until:- she had seen a couple of the guys with thee inflatable "dollies":not to be out-done; she came tripping down the beach with an enormous, firmly inflated, male version bouncing gently over her shoulder. She then set about tormenting it by pegging it down to stop it blowing away,then proceeded to:- fight it, bite it, smite it, and frighten it, use it as a trampoline in every possible way; she cooed it, chewed it, and was very "rude" with it; I got all embarrassed, and decided not to stay. I wandered off thinking wryly that her appetite was beyond the wit of man, and at least the "dolly" stayed inflated for the whole performance. I was glad that I had not started chatting her up as I couldn't have stood a walloping like that. I was browsing through the guest list and found names like: Mister Rectomy,Rua Pough,R Sole,some germans called Herr Schtyle, Herr Drier and Herr Dresser,a Turk called Mustapha Phagg (who chained smoked): I think I saw the short_sighted guy called Mister Completely. I saw Herr Dresser a couple of times and he always seemed to do an extravagant crossing himself whenever he left a crowd yet there was medical evidence to suggest that he was probably Jewish. I asked him to explain this one day and he said - "Ach! it is an habit off a lifetime Mien Herr; I alvays check zat I haff my spectacles, testicles, vallet, and vatch." I met a sparkling lass that I thought would be well worth chatting up and started by asking her name and how she liked her job and I found out she worked for one of the electric companies. A bit further on in the conversation; I got the impression that I was being led so I asked outright how much she charges:she said "90 volts" and I said "I've only got ten quid"; she said that would do so we disappeared behind a bush where the sparks flew and the ten quids worth could not be described as static. (c) Guy Abandon 1996.
(Tuesday, 21 November, 2017.)